One line jokes on dating
“I don’t want to be part of a club that would have me as a member.” – Groucho Marx 19. She used to like to dress up like herself, and act like a fucking bitch all the time.” – Bo Burnham 20. got a full house and 4 people died.” – Steven Wright 21.
“I tried to change my password to penis but they said it was too short.’ – Unknown 22.
“It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.” – Unknown 27. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” – Zach Galifianakis 35. “There’s no such thing as addiction, there’s only things that you enjoy doing more than life.” – Doug Stanhope 48. “The liberals can understand everything but people who don’t understand them.” – Lenny Bruce 51. “The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.” – Jay Leno 54. This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.” – Jerry Seinfeld 56. I haven’t seen one Academy Award voter with a tampon in her purse.” – Joan Rivers 57.
“Consider the daffodil…and while you’re doing that, I’ll be over here, going through your stuff.” – Jack Handy 28. “They lie about marijuana: ‘Marijuana makes you unmotivated.’ Lie. I said ‘It’s nice to see so many bums on seats.’” – Jimmy Carr 41. I used to teach class like this, – Maragaret Cho 43. “Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.” – George Carlin 52. “I can’t wait till Sunday, I’m gonna see my favorite niece and my other niece…” – Sarah Silverman 55.
Just some very funny summations from some very funny people, all told in one line. If two people back out, you’re still having sex.” – Gregory House funny one liners " data-medium-file="https://thoughtcatalog.files.wordpress.com/2018/06/funny-one-liners.jpg?
Many of these funny one liners are from legendary comedians and others are from random or unknown people. w=786&resize=786,786&quality=95&strip=all&crop=1" data-large-file="https://thoughtcatalog.files.wordpress.com/2018/06/funny-one-liners.jpg? w=1140&resize=1140,1140&quality=95&strip=all&crop=1" class="alignnone size-full_bleed wp-image-888697" src="https://thoughtcatalog.files.wordpress.com/2018/06/funny-one-liners.jpg? w=1140&h=1140" alt="funny one liners" width="1140" height="1140" srcset="https://thoughtcatalog.files.wordpress.com/2018/06/funny-one-liners.jpg?
“My girlfriend used to smoke after sex, so we started using lube.” – Jimmy Carr 23.
“Circumcision is popular because Jewish girls won’t touch anything that’s not at least 15% off.” – Unknown 24.
The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it. 'My wife and I are completely equal partners', is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge. (Henny Youngman)My wife and I were happy for twenty years. (Rodney Dangerfield) A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. It wouldn't plane at high speed at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every manoeuvre, no matter how much power she applied.
The problem is no one runs in your family.” – Unknown 17.