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Many of the people I dated had good intents, but they may not have understood some of the quirks that people on the spectrum like me may have. Ten years later as a 28-year-old adult, I embrace affection.
Here are some things you need to know when it comes to dating someone with autism.
As I explained in an earlier article on my personal experiences with AS: If life in a society is a game (and make no mistake about it, it is), having Asperger’s forces you to play while learning two-thirds of the rules as you go along, even as everyone else knows them instinctively … Of course, one of the twists of having AS is that you tend to develop an outsider’s perspective on social rules in general, and the world of dating is no exception. A lot of the “obvious” rules about dating are actually pretty arbitrary, so we aren’t instinctively aware of them.
I remember feeling disgust and then curiosity the first time someone explained the concept of “dating leagues” to me, or being stunned to learn that a girl who invites you to a hotel room to “just chill for a night” might actually mean the opposite of that, or that one who keeps postponing seeing you again is blowing you off. I recently had a conversation with a friend who commented that people with AS should “just use common sense” when navigating the dating scene.
When I started dating at 18 I had NO idea how to talk to people, let alone women.
While this is partially due to the insecurity caused by disproportionately experiencing various forms of social rejection for years and years, even people with AS who received predominantly positive reinforcement in their early lives can still feel detached and isolated due to their inability to fully communicate with others.
This could be compared to speaking a different language, although that analogy would imply that individuals with AS could at least “speak” to others with the condition, when in fact AS manifests itself so differently from person to person that we are generally as unable to relate to each other as we are with the non-AS population.
Often a misconception is that people on the spectrum want to only date others who are on the spectrum. We just want to find someone we connect with and can be ourselves with.
We aren’t mind readers so tell us when we may be going too fast or too slow.Autistic Dating is a completely free online dating and friendship site for people with autism or aspergers.