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28-Jun-2020 02:02

For many, it's about owning the stereotypes and expectations so often placed on women and making them our own.

As Evan Urquhart wrote for Slate in 2015, "Intentionality is the key to distinguishing a femme identity from a traditionally feminine one."Urquhart's point is that being femme isn't about acting feminine or "girly" in the ways mainstream society generally feels that female-presenting people "should" act.

But only in the past few years have I called myself "femme." The difference stands not in abbreviation, but in queer coding.

Unfortunately, many folks outside of the queer scene don't fully understand what femme means or recognize its distinct differences from feminine.

It erases identities and denies the reality that our identities are complex.

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You can see a very classic-looking butch-femme couple in action, in the news and showing up looking very butch and very femme.What we identify as and who we are attracted to are two separate constructs, and how we present ourselves physically often has little to do with who we are attracted to.In Urquhart's same Slate article, a friend summed up the contrast of being interested in women and appearing feminine perfectly: "Being femme is about being authentic to what I actually like and how I actually want to appear, in spite of what my sexuality leads people to expect."If we expect women who like women to present as butch and men who like men to present as feminine, we inadvertently reinforce gender binaries.It can be hard to find love, and a community, when you’re a femme, and we’re here to help!

Whether you're looking for friendship or love; whether you’re a femme into femmes, or simply just a woman into femmes- this is a place where you can finally meet, seek and be found.So when it comes to feminine and 100 percent straight individuals contemplating whether they should self-describe as femme, I'd personally suggest steering clear from a word that means so much within a community they are not a part of.