Fear of rejection dating psychology
If a man is truly letting you down all the time, by all means get rid of him.
But I encourage women to ask yourselves, how realistic are your expectations? If he forgets to pick up the milk on his way home, is he “the worst husband ever” or just a guy who forgot to stop at the store?
And ask yourselves, too, if there’s a double standard in place when it comes to your own behavior.
Do your man’s expectations and needs matter to you, or do you treat them—and by extension him—as irrelevant and make him jump through hoops of fire to avoid sexual rejection?
Make us feel irrelevant in the relationship, and we’ll seek relevance elsewhere, by working late hours, spending more time with male friends, or ultimately finding a companion who makes us feel important and valued.
It’s not that women don’t also need to feel relevant.
But women on the whole tend to have larger friend groups and social circles, often spend more time fulfilling children’s needs, and typically receive tokens of affection such as flowers, jewelry, or other gifts more regularly than they give them.
The key here is not to stuff down your displeasure when a man disappoints you. But it’s crucial you make it clear that you’re disappointed in our actions or omissions and not in us as a person or partner.
Try “It sucks that you did that,” instead of, “You suck.” Chances are, we have disappointments concerning your behavior that we’re terrified of expressing, either because you might get angry and withhold or turn the discussion into a tit for tat bitch session.
Fear of rejection is one reason men get so turned on by women who ask or initiate (it takes the sting out of getting to yes), and it’s also—in my opinion—why many men settle for unfulfilling relationships and don’t fully assert ourselves, fearing we won’t find anyone else or that if we anger our partners, we risk their dumping us.