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14-Nov-2019 05:20

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You’re practically besties before you even make contact!

Unlock your Insta, get creative – and do a few underwear shots – and your inbox will be groaning with messages from people who want you hashtag-shag them.

Once upon a time, people used to meet their new beau by catching eyes across a railway platform, an introduction from a mutual friend or striking up conversation in a dark room filled with inebriates and blaring techno music.

Thanks to the glorious advent of dating apps, those days are long gone.

The likes of Tinder, Bumble and Grindr allow you to spiel cringeworthy one-liners wherever you please and handle the inevitable rejection from an equally remote location.

Unless you manage to match with someone who finds your endless supply of quotes hilarious.

Aiming to cut through the noise of endless profile-scrolling, Coffee Meets Bagel sends you just one match a day based on your preferences.

Great news if you have the love of your life dropped into your inbox within a day, not so great if you get seven straight days of horse-frighteners, people you work with or that cousin you don’t talk to anymore.

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And now Instagram stories lets people see you walk and talk before they’ve even met you.

Out of all the quirky dating apps to have come and gone since the digital sex-plosion of the late Noughties, Tinder has managed to stick around.

It’s that comforting old blanket we wrap ourselves in, brilliant in its simplicity – swipe this way, or that, wait for a bit, then go on a date.

It’s worth remembering anyone handing over money to be on a dating site or app is unlikely to be a drooling timewaster, pic swapper or someone trolling you for screenshot kicks.

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Also, the filtering process is in-depth and you can still do location-based searching if you order too much dim sum and want someone to share it with right that second.

Remember: in romantic comedies this will take three scenes; in real life, more like three years – so get on with it and make a move.